Summertime: Then Vs. Now

If you were a kid in the 70s, you too probably remember a more chill, carefree time–where kids played outdoors, unsupervised from sun up to sundown. I love to reminisce about being a kid and am overly nostalgic about my mostly unchaperoned, dysfunctional up-bringing. It’s somewhat curious that I’m so fond of my own childhood yet do things completely different with my own kiddos. ‘Tis a sign of the times I suppose. Anyhoo, I thought I’d take a trip down memory lane and compare my summer days of the 70s and early 80s with my own over-scheduled offspring.

Who’s In Charge? Oh Yeah, No-One!

Summertime when I was a kid was a time of wanderlust. It was a time of discovery and a time to explore. It wasn’t a time to stay indoors. We were wise enough to know to get out of the house quick in the morning in order to avoid a long To-Do list of unpleasant chores, parents who believed in spanking, yelled, and knew how to say No.

Our main mode of transportation was our bikes. We rode our bikes everywhere. Sans helmet. We rode to the play ground, we rode to our friends’ houses, we rode to the store. We rode to wherever we needed to go.

We would hit one back yard after another, where we’d create elaborate imaginative games. Tree houses would become our pirate ships or caves. Tire swings would be our air crafts to the moon. We’d play whiffle ball for hours. Lunch time was spontaneous, to be enjoyed in the kitchen of the nearest house. If we were lucky we’d get Pizza Rolls or Spaghetti O’s and a Hostess snack cake. If not, bologna or pb&j. White Wonder bread was pretty much guaranteed. Trans-fat and high fructose corn syrup–why not? Hawaiian Punch or Kool-Aid were likely served. As soon as we finished we’d be back on the streets. Possibly pretending to “drive our cars” (our bikes) to meet “our boyfriends.” Where we’d pretend to make-out. Or, maybe we’d ride to the river and go for a swim. No life guard, no parents, often no towel, probably no sun screen.

When we hit the convenient store for a much-needed snack (after all we’d rode our bikes for miles) we loaded up on candy bars and chips–Pringles, oh yes, we had the fever. Charleston Chew was good because it was so big. Sugar Daddy lasted a long time and was cheap. Pop Rocks and tiny Chiclettes were also a solid choice. But alas, that snappy Hey, you got your peanut butter in my chocolate, No, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter ad would probably win out. (Reese’s are delicious.) We’d get as much crap as we could afford and divvy it up. One “graveyard” Super Big Gulp would do, as several kids would share the mammoth drink. With one straw. We weren’t worried about germs so much back then.

After 8-10 hours of being accountable to no one, we’d finally wander back to the neighborhood. Where eventually the mothers would yell out the front door, “dinner time,” to which we’d unenthusiatically head home. But wait. Was it a ‘Three’s Company’ night or ‘Solid Gold?’ After all, we hadn’t watched TV all day. Pong and Asteroids hadn’t been played for several days.

If it was the weekend, maybe we’d get dropped off at the roller rink. More time unsupervised. Yay! After arcade games, more junk food, and couples’ skates we’d head home where we’d catch some ‘Friday Night Videos,’ or the’ Twilight Zone’ until the TV turned to color block lines and eventually static. And the next day, we’d get up and do it all again. A new day meant a new adventure. The unknown. Anything was possible…

Micro-Managed Every Minute!

Summer time for my kids and most of their friends means day camps or lessons. Nowadays we have a camp for every type of kid. We have science camps, horse camps, dance camps, sports camps, arts & crafts camps, leadership camps–you name it they have a camp for it.

If our kids want to go somewhere, we drive them. If they want a snack it’s most likely healthy, whole grain, possibly gluten-free and accompanied by good old water, maybe lemonade. They might get a fro-yo if they’re lucky. If they want to ride their bikes out of the hood, parents watch or ride alongside. They always have their helmets strapped on tight.

If our kids want to go for a swim, it’s likely at a private/member’s only pool. Of course a parental will be present at all times along with several certified life guards. SPF 50 will be applied and re-applied. Rash guards, aka swim shirts, are on hand if swimming will be for an extended period of time. Swimming without goggles would not go over well.

Our kids have cell phones and iTouches and can communicate with us at all times. On a rare occasion where they may be off on their own, not being closely monitored, we know we can track them down in seconds.

Our kids have been well-trained to use their hand sanitizer that’s been strapped to their packs or bags. They know better than to share a drink. They all have their own water bottles. BPA free. The water went through the Brita prior to being poured. They would never drink from the hose.

Our kids rather enjoy being at home–probably because they’re over scheduled. We say Yes as often as possible. (My kids only chore is to feed the fish, which they complain about. Their responsibilities include reading, and being kind & respectful kids. They have hundreds of toys, in every room.)

If our kids want to watch TV, they can find any show or cartoon at any time of the day. They can BE the video game. If our kids go to the movies, we are in tow. Our kids go to bed tonight knowing that tomorrow will be much like today. Another day of structured, heavily supervised activities…

Sometimes I worry that all this over parenting is doing them a dis-service. Will they be boring because they had such a “normal” up bringing? A little dysfunction builds character–after all look at me! I sometimes fear I’m doing too damn good of  a job. Although, I’m probably fucking things up that I haven’t even thought about. I suppose only time will tell…

Until then we may as well enjoy re-living the good old days. Here’s an old favorite that’ll take ya back. I’ve been obsessed with this song lately. The whole almost 40 thing, ya know. Ta!

Random Thoughts from the 4-Year-Old (This Week)

4-year-old: “Mommy, we can’t look at the Sun because it will hurt your eyes and you’ll have to go to the Doctor.”

Me: “That’s right, baby. Don’t look at the Sun.”

4-year-old: “But we can look at Jesus even though He’s a Sun in the sky too.”

Me: “Um, hmmm… Yes, but He’s a different kind of SON. You know, like you’re my son?”

4-year-old: No response. Quizzical look. Distracted by drawing.

Next Thought

4-year-old: “Mommy, how does the baby get out of your tummy?”

Me: “Uh, well, how do you think it gets out?”

Big Sis: “Mom, just tell him the truth.”

Me: (Sensing no way around it…) “Well, it comes out of the woman’s vagina.”

4-year-old: “Cha China, Cha China, Cha China, it comes out your Ch China!?  What’s a Cha China?”

Next Thought

4-year-old: (Looks in underwear, says with shock.) “Mommy, WHY is my wiener so big… AGAIN?”

Me: (Fighting laughter) “Don’t worry, baby. It’s totally fine. It will go back to normal in a minute.”

4-year-old: (30 minutes later, with alarm) “But, Mommy! It’s still SO BIG!”

My Kiddos’ Rooms

My duaghter calls her room “Flower Garden.” This is a rare look at it clean.

My son calls his room “Surf’s Up!” Again, it never looks like this.

These are my kids…

And this is what they really do to their spaces, and the rest of the house…

8 Will Be Great

My oldest child and daughter turned eight this week. Eight. That just sounds so much older than seven for some reason. I can’t believe I’m old enough to have an eight year old. Actually, I’m old enough to have a 20-year-old (egads), but you know what I mean. Our daughter’s been with us for eight years. In eight more years she’ll be driving. Add two to that and she’ll be gone. Away at college. On her own. Not living with us. Frightening.

Anyway, let’s move on before I decide to crawl back into bed and spend the day bawling. So, on a positive note I thought I’d share a bit about my girl. Warning: biased, over-the-top, proud mama bragging to follow. If you think you’ll be annoyed, stop reading now.

When my daughter was born she looked about two months old in the face, even though she was 2 1/2 weeks early. She was alert and seemed to be totally aware of her surroundings. She always had this funny expression on her face like she knew what was up. Been here, done this already kind of thing. An old soul, for sure.

When we brought her home, I was a nervous wreck and the OCD was in full swing. We visited the pediatrician multiple times for reassurance that she was fine. I remember yelling at my mother because she simply rinsed the binky under the faucet after it fell on the ground, instead of giving it the proper 2 minute boil to ensure sterilization. If baby girl didn’t fall asleep right away, I’d put her in the car and drive for miles until she was completely out. We called this the 40,000 mile nap.

We were lucky though. She was a very good baby and relatively easy. Super social, always making friends wherever we went. Baby girl befriended the young hipster girls at the coffee shop when she was about 9 months old. They would take her behind the counter and cuddle her up, even when the line was out the door. (I realize we probably weren’t very popular with the other patrons.) I didn’t notice it for several months, but when I’d hand over my debit card to pay, they’d often swipe it for $1.50 even though I had bought closer to ten dollars worth of drinks and pastries. Not that I condone that sort of thing, but I think they were trying to show their love for my girl, which was  sweet, albeit in a mis-guided, slightly criminal way. (I did put a stop to it once I clued in.) Anyway, baby girl had friends in many places–the ladies of Nordstrom, the waitresses at the Cafe; she was a popular girl. Not just because we frequented these places, but because she was always happy, smiling and so gregarious.

When she was 2 years old she started dance. She loved it and it showed; always smiling, working the audience. Performing just came naturally to her. The dancing is still going on and she’s pretty darn talented. Still a showboat too. Daughter (or Dot Dot for short) loves to ski and play soccer and enjoys most things that she tries. But no matter what she’s doing, she almost always has a smile on her face. She’s like a little sunshine.

When she was 4 1/2, we had our son. Dot Dot was a little helper/second mama from the get go. She is kind and protective and always includes her brother. They are the best of friends, which is so cool to see.

Dot Dot is a great student. She is precocious and conducts herself in such a mature fashion. She is smart and inquisitive and enjoys learning. While all of this is wonderful, hands down, my favorite thing about our daughter is who she is on the inside. She has such empathy and is so conscious of how you should treat others, it’s inspiring.

And even though she’s an old soul, and at times seems like she’s eight going on sixty-five, she is also a naive, innocent little girl. I have to force her to watch age appropriate movies (like Toy Story) because she fears they’ll be too scary! She watches the Backyardigans and Arthur and loves dolls. She has little interest in Hannah Montana or the likes, nor does she give a hoot about The Biebs. 

Dot Dot is super sentimental. The day before her eighth Birthday, she told me she always gives herself a big hug on the eve of her special day, to properly bid farewell to the former age! Yep, that’s my girl.

Why Second (sometimes) Sucks

I have two kids. Of course I love them equally and both are perfect to me. I don’t mean to do less for my second child, but somehow he usually ends up getting the shaft. This is a list of all the ways my baby has been short-changed.

1. First-born has at least 5 completed baby albums with captions and milestones on each page. Second child has 0 completed baby books.

2. First-born started Gymboree at 2 months of age and took multiple classes from the time she was an infant. Second child has taken a few classes sporadically, but didn’t start until he was much older. He never takes more than one class at a time.

3. First-born was regularly worked with on alphabet, numbers, shapes, etc., from the time she was one. Second child has received almost none of said training. (He does go to pre-school though. Counting on those teachers!)

4. First-born still enrolled in multiple extra-curricular activities. Second child currently taking nothing extra and is often rudely awakened from peaceful nap to haul out across town and then forced to wait at boring studio until picked up by parent or grandparent, only to be shoved back into a car to fight traffic all the way home.

5. First-born received much more attention when it comes to playing make-believe, doing puzzles, making crafts, etc. Because really, that gets old fast. Second child is left in front of the TV way too much. (He will do crafts alone for extended periods of time. That sounds sad.)

6. For 4 1/2 years our entire world was first-born. It was all about her, all of the time. Second child has never experienced a world where only he exists.

7. At least 75% of the toys around here are pink, a doll of some sort, or both. Second child has few boy toys and gets far less because we already have too much junk.

8. First-born had weekly organized playdates with all the neighborhood kids, where we did crafts, ate baked goods and played. Second child sees the neighbor kids when the parents hang out at night and drink. Children fin for themselves and run wild.

9. First-born went to 6 Wiggle’s concerts, 3 Sesame Street shows, 2 Disney on Ice, 1 Clifford show, 1 My Little Pony, 4 Nutcrackers, and 2 Rockette Christmas Spectaculars. Second child has seen Sesame Street once.

10. And finally, although I’m sure I’m missing several more ways in which he is getting screwed, second child is home with a mommy who decided to start a blog. Which=a mommy who nods a lot, without eye-contact, and says uh-huh.

Ahhh, the guilt of parenting.

Disclaimer: OK, so it’s really not so bad. Second child is totally adored by first-born and is treated exceptionally. He too is the apple of our eyes. Although it often seems that he’s simply along for the ride. We really do try our best to keep things as fair as possible. The one thing that second child has had from day one is a sibling who would do anything for him. So, it’s all good. Right?!  😉  Oops, first-born has Acro, gotta go!

P.S. All this talk about first-born has me thinking about the movie ‘Firstborn‘ starring Teri Garr (loved her). Anyone remember that movie? Also, feel free to share your own stories of (un?)intentional favoritism.

ENOUGH! No More Bullying!

I didn’t see The View today but I read an article about it and watched a clip. One of the guests was Nadin Khoury, the boy who took a severe beating for 30 minutes by a gang of older kids. Why was he targeted? Because he was from another country and he was small.

Almost nothing upsets me more than bullying. As a parent and human being it sickens me to think about what so many children have to deal with on a daily basis. Why we can’t seem to get a handle on this life threatening issue is baffling.

Lives have been lost because of bullying. We have youth who commit suicide because of bullying. Mass shootings occur because of bullying. Children miss school and jeopardize their education because of bullying. This issue must be a top priority for every school district, community and parent.

As parents, we have to model empathy and tolerance from the beginning. One thing I always tell my children is to be nice to everyone. You don’t have to like everyone, but you can at least be polite and respectful. I’m constantly telling my kids to smile at others and say hello. It could be the only smile or positive interaction that person receives all day. We also have to role play different scenarios so our kids are prepared. My daughter and I have done this since she was about 4 years old. I’ve tried to teach her different ways to deal with bullies and how to stand up for children being bullied. Bullies love an audience. We have to teach our kids not to be by standers.

I know many schools have done a great job tackling this issue head on and have adopted tough policies against all types of bullying. But, we have to make sure that all schools have strict guidelines in place that are enforced. Parents and community members need to be aware of the policies and know what the consequences are, with no exceptions for affluent or influential families. Schools need to have regular workshops/classes for all students on this issue and educate kids from a very early age on what to do when it happens. We have to train teachers and school officials how to spot bullies and kids who are isolated or tormented immediately. Schools need to encourage children to be inclusive and kind. All schools should have some sort of program in place to help new students fit in, make friends and acclimate.

Our communities need to be informed as well. Educating people about bullying through newspaper articles, community centers and forums should be at the top of our to do list. We have to ensure that our members won’t be passive; that they won’t turn the other cheek. Church leaders must reinforce school policies as well as coaches.  We all have to do more to put an end to this form of abuse. Making excuses and using the old, “Boys will be boys” mentality has to stop. No one should have to endure what Nadin or any of the other countless children have.

“Went to school and I was very nervous, no one knew me, no one knew me. Hello teacher, tell me what’s my lesson? Look right through me, look right through me. And, I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had. I find it hard to tell you ’cause I find it hard to take, when people run in circles it’s a very, very Mad World…” –Tears for Fears 

The Family Bed

I was watching The Talk the other day and the family bed was one of the topics they were discussing/debating. I’m always amazed at how worked up people get over this issue. When my kids were born, they both slept in our room for the first few months, either in our bed or in their bassinet next to our bed. We moved my daughter to her own room and crib at 4 months and my son at about 3 months. Neither had any problems. Sure, they occasionally would have sleep issues, but nothing that lasted more than a few days. Personally, I sleep much better without them in our room and so does my husband. I think my kids get  more sound sleep on their own as well.

Recently, my 3-year-old has started wandering in our room in the middle of the night a couple of times a week. He brings his pillow and blanky and takes his rightful position in the middle of our bed. Usually I’m way too exhausted to do anything but scoot over. But, none of us sleep well when he does this and the three of us are tired the next day. I know I need to break this new random habit for our own sanity. Mama doesn’t do well on so little sleep.

Anyway, my point for writing this is I don’t understand why people get so excited over this issue. I know that I prefer my kids sleep in their own rooms now that they aren’t infants, but I don’t care if other people prefer the family bed. To each his own. If you have strong feelings one way or the other, do tell! 

“Mommy, what does Gay mean?”

A few months ago, my daughter was looking at my FB page and started reading the ads on the side. She saw one for ‘Equal Rights’ and asked what gay and lesbian meant.

 When she was younger, I had explained that women can love women, men can love men or men and women can love each other. Either she forgot or didn’t know the terms.

So, we went over it again, using the words gay and lesbian. I explained that some people are and some people aren’t, but either way we’re all just loving people. I asked her if she understood or had any questions.

She thought for a moment and said, “Do you think I’ll be a lesbian?” I said, “No, probably not. But, if you are it’d be fine.” “OK,” she said and that was that.

I love how easy it was to explain this to a child. She had no judgement or issues of intolerance. Kids don’t have the hang-ups that most adults have. If we could just explain things without mixing in our own insecure, judgemental feelings the world would be a much better place. This conversation definitely gave me great hope for the future.

Potty Training My Boy

Right when my daughter turned two I tried to potty train her.  After all, two is the magic age, right?  We bought the cute undies, got a little potty chair, made the sticker chart, we did it all.  We gave it a couple of days, but I could tell she wasn’t quite ready.  So we stopped.  We read the potty books and talked about it, but I stopped trying to train her or even asking her to go on the potty.  Four months later she told me she was going to wear her underpants and that was that.  She never had an accident, even at night and she never wore a diaper again.   

My son, on the other hand, wasn’t so easy.  I did the underwear shopping and all the tricks with him too, but he just didn’t have any interest.  Finally, a friend suggested I let him pee in a Dixie cup.  I thought it seemed a little strange, but was willing to give it a try.  He loved it!  We did this for a week or so and then moved to the big potty.  Hooray!  But, getting him to go number two on the toilet was another story.  He was not having it.  Charts, bribes, nothing was going to get him to do that.  During a check-up, I mentioned this to a Doctor.  She told me to let him have a diaper when he asked, but to preface it by saying, “I will give you a diaper this time, but I know soon you will be ready to poop on the potty.”  So, we gave it a shot.  I didn’t think he was ever going to give in, but finally after a month or two of this he decided he was ready.  All of a sudden, out of the blue.  It worked!  He never went back to diapers.  He still wears a Pull-Up at night, but rarely is it wet. 

Different things work for different kids.  If you have a little one to potty train, try to stay positive and make them feel good about it.  It really does make a difference.  Even though it may seem like it’s never going to happen, it eventually will click.  And, then you can do that ridiculous potty dance.  Or, better yet, make up your own.  Good luck!

Confessions of an Oxymoron Mom

Have you seen the show The Talk that’s like The View, but with younger moms?  It’s a pretty good show and I do like all the hosts, however I have to admit that when I listen to Sara talk about parenting it makes me feel a little insecure about my own skills.  If you’ve never seen The Talk, Sara Gilbert from Roseanne is one of the hosts.  She’s a very Earthy mama and doesn’t use things to pacify baby, only serves un-processed foods and only uses natural products.  Nicole Richie was on the other day and they were talking about how they don’t ever give their kids sugar treats, eat only vegan and eat nothing from cans.  Plastic is also a big no-no.  No plastic toys, plastic dishes or plastic anything for these girls and their little ones.  Now, don’t get me wrong I am not “hating” on either of these ladies.  I actually like them both and say more power to them for living so green.  I just pale in comparison in this area and that’s OK too.  So, for all you moms who try to do what you can, but still come up short, this is for you.

1.  My kids ate organic baby food but it was from a jar.  I buy organic milk, meat, and fruits & vegies (when possible), but my kids eat name brand cereal, crackers and other processed snacks.  My kids eat canned foods.

2.  My kids eat sugar.  In moderation!

3.  Since my kids turned two, they’ve been allowed to drink juice.  But, 100% varieties only!

4.  My kids only used white diapers. 

5.  My kids use plastic dishes and cups.  Although, I try to buy BPA free.

6.  We have plastic toys everywhere. 

7.  I am a big fan of toys/products that pacify baby, like bouncers and swings.  Whatever gets you through the day.

8.  Although I try to limit it somewhat and always monitor what they watch, my kids watch TV.

9.  I use hard-core, full strength cleaning products.  Lysol, Clorox and Mr. Clean are my friends.  But, I only use “Free” laundry detergent.

10.  I buy bottled water.  But, I recycle!

Maybe this list will make you feel better or maybe you’ll be appalled.  Either way, keep doing what you can to be a great mom in your own eyes.  Happy child rearing!