Random Thoughts from the 4-Year-Old (This Week)

4-year-old: “Mommy, we can’t look at the Sun because it will hurt your eyes and you’ll have to go to the Doctor.”

Me: “That’s right, baby. Don’t look at the Sun.”

4-year-old: “But we can look at Jesus even though He’s a Sun in the sky too.”

Me: “Um, hmmm… Yes, but He’s a different kind of SON. You know, like you’re my son?”

4-year-old: No response. Quizzical look. Distracted by drawing.

Next Thought

4-year-old: “Mommy, how does the baby get out of your tummy?”

Me: “Uh, well, how do you think it gets out?”

Big Sis: “Mom, just tell him the truth.”

Me: (Sensing no way around it…) “Well, it comes out of the woman’s vagina.”

4-year-old: “Cha China, Cha China, Cha China, it comes out your Ch China!?  What’s a Cha China?”

Next Thought

4-year-old: (Looks in underwear, says with shock.) “Mommy, WHY is my wiener so big… AGAIN?”

Me: (Fighting laughter) “Don’t worry, baby. It’s totally fine. It will go back to normal in a minute.”

4-year-old: (30 minutes later, with alarm) “But, Mommy! It’s still SO BIG!”

Meet the Toddler

Yesterday, I asked my 3-year-old to go put on his underwear and sweat pants. I said, “Do you think you can do it?” (All enthusiastically.) To which he replied, “Of course Mama, no problem.” When I came downstairs, to load him into the car, this is how I found him.

Notice instead of sweat pants he chose jammies, both legs through the same hole. He is wearing underwear underneath, but on his head as well. (He wore them out too.) Christmas and Halloween socks, because really, both are fabulous and who can choose. Plus, the toddler loves his holidays, often announcing to anyone and everyone that “Easter Is Coming!” Or, whatever holiday happens to be next. But, as soon as that day has passed, he’ll begin repeatedly stating that said holiday, “Is Over!”  He loves decorations but only before each holiday. He is quite adamant that all seasonal decor must come down by the day after. I’m usually a big offender of this rule, so am constantly, incessantly reminded until I get everything down and put away.

The toddler is quite the boogier and loves to get down with his bad self. All those years spent watching the sister in the studio, no doubt. He has two favorite songs. ‘Soul Sister’ and ‘Shake Your Groove Thing.’ However, he thinks the latter says: Shake Your Boobies, Shake Your Boobies, Yeah Yeah, and of course that’s how he sings it. Loud and proud, wherever we may be.

The toddler loves Disneyland but not the customers! Which is what he calls the characters, even though he’s been corrected multiple times. Any time we go to a restaurant that looks like mascots could be present, he loudly repeats, “There’s no customers here? No. No customers.”

Here is a list of the toddlers favorite things. Color- pink (much to his father’s dismay). TV show- ‘Jake and the Pirates’ and ‘Dora.’ Sports- soccer and snow skiing. Food- hamburgers and Mickey nuggets (shameful). Hobbies- doing crafts, bike riding, helping Daddy in the yard, playing at the park, and riding his scooter in the house. (Yeah, we run a tight ship.)

Here is the toddler with his favorite person. Sis Sis.

And, in case there was any question, he would want to make sure that you know, “Easter Is Coming!”

Shi*, Showers & Babies!

I have babies on the brain right now. (Not my own, thank God. Been there, done that, loved it. Don’t want to do it again though!) Anyway, both my kids’ teachers are PG and one of my BFs. So, I’ve been buying cute tiny things and starting to plan a shower. Which got me thinking about my own shower. *This is the shit part of this post.*

I used to be a career gal. My work always hosted showers for people after the baby was born. That way the baby could attend and everyone would get to see it. Personally, I prefer showers prior to baby, but it wasn’t up to me. Anyway, when my daughter was about two months old, it was time for her party. I dolled her up (excited to show her off) and packed the diaper bag with everything she could possibly need. I found something decent to wear that actually fit, did my hair and make-up for the first time in weeks and hauled out to my work. 

My co-workers were trickling in to the party room and as we were exchanging hellos and pleasantries I decided to change my little one before the festivities began. So, I put a blanket on the couch and started the process. People were coming up to admire my sweet girl. I was talking and laughing and enjoying adult conversation for the first time in ages, when all of a sudden I heard this THUNDEROUS EXPLOSION! I looked down to see that I was literally covered in  poo. My precious baby had an enormous, projectile blow-out all over me! Now remember, this is the beginning of the shower. It’s at my work, not a house. I live about 30 minutes away. My daughter had a change of clothes, but I of course did not. So, I did the only thing I could. I laughed and tried to wipe myself off as best I could. A co-worker was wearing two shirts so she gave me one. But, smeared baby poop was still on my pants and in my hair. Lovely.

Somehow we got through the shower. Although it was pretty gross and kind of embarrassing, I’ll always remember it and have a good story to share. And, of course my daughter now finds this hilarious and randomly asks me to tell the story. New moms, always carry a spare set of clothes for yourself. Not just your baby. You never know when you might need it!

Baby Shower Ideas– I like hosting showers in the morning around 10:00. Then it doesn’t eat up the whole day. It also makes the menu easy. I like to serve an egg casserole or quiche, cinnamon rolls or coffee cake, bagels and fruit. For the drink, I like mimosas. I usually ask the new mom to be if she prefers a cake or cup cakes. For games, I love a good jumble (partly because I’m awesome at them), but they’re really fun too. The other game I like to play is at the start of the party. When people arrive you put a sticker on their back with the name of a famous person’s baby or child. They have to ask people yes or no questions to try to figure out who they have. It gets people mingling and talking to guests they may not know. Whenever I host a party I make sure to have great music playing. For favors, I like to keep it simple. Frosted, themed sugar cookies in cellophane bags with ribbon are always a hit. Or, Bath & Body Works trial size scented candles are nice. For the game winners, you can’t go wrong with a bottle of wine or Starbucks card.

What are your best ideas for showers (food, games, themes, favors, etc.)? Has something like what happened to me ever happened to you? Talk amongst yourselves and then post your thoughts! 😉

Mommy, Can I Make a Wish?

A few years ago, my daughter and I were shopping at Costco.  As we were perusing the children’s books, an Indian man wearing a turban came sauntering down our aisle.  We exchanged pleasant grins as you do when passing someone.  Just then, my daughter looked up with a huge smile on her face, excitedly pointed right at the gentleman and boomed, “Mama, look, it’s a genie!”  Trying to hold back my laughter at such an innocent comment I simply said, “no, just a man,”  as I ushered her in the opposite direction.  Luckily, the man didn’t seem to mind and may have even gotten a chuckle out of my 3-year-old as well.  Or at least a good story to tell?